


Not Good Enough

by Princes_Squire



Series: Yours To Command (SOTL one shots) [5]
Category: PIERCE Tamora - Works, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29301069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princes_Squire/pseuds/Princes_Squire
Summary: Alanna and Jonathan finally have a moment alone after Alanna's rescue during the Battle at the Drell.Also a backstory for Alanna and Jonathan's pledges to each other of "until death and after/until death and beyond it" from Lioness Rampant.
Relationships: Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau/Jonathan of Conté
Series: Yours To Command (SOTL one shots) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2097501
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Not Good Enough

Jonathan and Alanna rode back from Fort Drell in something of a daze until Alanna finally broke the silence. "I think I'm getting to enjoy seeing that look on your father's face - the one where he's completely torn between telling you how proud he is or excoriating you for disobeying so recklessly."

"It is the same look he gave me after the Black City, isn't it?" Jonathan responded thoughtfully.

"Exactly the same, Alanna affirmed. "And I can't blame him. You did directly defy his order not to cross into enemy territory _and_ you've almost single-handedly won the war."

"Honestly, the Black City wasn't the first time he gave me that look, and at this rate, today won't be the last."

"More brave and reckless plans up your sleeve that I should know about, Highness?"

"Don't tell, but I am harboring a squire who isn't all he appears," he said with a wink.

Alanna just smiled.

It had taken less than 48 hours from the moment Jonathan and his friends rescued Alanna from the Tusaine and captured King Ain's brothers for a ceasefire to be called and peace negotiations to start. In that time, neither Jonathan nor Alanna had left the fort, and they had had very little rest and no chance to talk privately.

Jonathan had stayed because it was his duty as prince. Alanna had stayed at Jonathan's request, because, as he explained, they may need her to provide more details about what she learned while captured. In reality, he was determined not to let her leave his sight again until they were safely home.

When they finally reached their camp, it was in the wee hours of the morning when the sun had not yet risen. They dismounted, and Jonathan began unsaddling Darkness as Alanna tended to Moonlight, who someone had graciously brought up to the fort.

"Oh, no, I'll take care of it, Jon," Alanna said as she noticed the prince doing her duty.

"No, I've got it. You were a prisoner of war. I think that earns you one break from caring for my horse when I am perfectly capable of doing so myself," Jonathan replied as he finished removing the saddle.

"Oh is that all it takes? Maybe I'll get captured more often."

Jonathan snorted a laughed before giving her a sharp look. "Don't you dare."

With the horses sorted, Jonathan led Alanna into their tent.

The second that the flap closed behind them, Jonathan pulled Alanna to him, wrapping her in a tight embrace.

"Thank you for saving me, Jon," Alanna whispered. "You didn't have to do that."

"Nonsense. If I had been captured, you would have done the same for me, no matter what my father commanded," Jonathan replied.

"If you were captured, I would defy a command from the gods themselves to rescue you, but that's different."

"Why? Because I'm a prince?"

"Yes," she said into his chest.

"Loyalty goes both ways, Alanna. I'll never forget what you've done for me, and I will always come for you."

He gave her a final squeeze but pulled back quickly when he felt her wince against the increased pressure.

"Lift up your shirt," he commanded softly.

At Alanna's shocked expression he clarified, "Not like that. Just show me your torso. You've been trying to hide the fact that you've been wincing ever since we rescued you."

"It's nothing," she said as she begrudgingly complied.

The light of Jonathan's gift revealed dark, mottled bruising that covered one of her sides and parts of her back.

"That's not nothing," Jonathan replied as he ran a gentle hand along her skin. "What happened?"

"I may have insulted the duke a few times. They weren't even my best insults - something about his mother cheating on his father with a warthog - but apparently, he has very thin skin and no qualms about slamming down and kicking chained prisoners."

Jonathan laughed and winced in turn at her explanation as he retrieved a jar of bruise balm from his pack. "Leave it to you to antagonize your captors."

"I was trying to provide a distraction to let Micah and Keel escape. It wasn't for my own amusement… or not _only_ for my own amusement."

Jonathan shook his head at her audacity. "You should have said something about this earlier. Any ribs cracked?"

"I don't think so, and it's not like I didn't deserve it," Alanna replied quietly.

"I don't care how bad your insults were, you didn't deserve this," Jonathan said smoothing the balm across the bruised skin. "I had thought the Tusaine were better than this, but I've overestimated them yet again."

Alanna shivered slightly, though she wasn't sure if it was from the cool, soothing balm or Jonathan's soft touch on such an intimate place. Even with the recent excitement, the kiss they had shared just weeks ago was never far from her thoughts.

"It's not that. It's - I shouldn't have let myself be captured," Alanna said looking at the floor. "I should have been more alert. I shouldn't have needed you to rescue me."

Jonathan finished applying the balm and looked her squarely in the eye. "That wasn't your fault." He capped the jar, then added thoughtfully, "Actually, you know what, it was."

"You beat their champion in a sparring match as a squire, humiliating the Tusaine when they were in Tortall last year. Just last month, they saw you save my life in battle when their archer would have had me. Even if you hadn't done those things, any spy worth his salt could have told them that you have my full and complete confidence. They know that you're my man through and through-or, well, they know that you're... mine," he corrected, "and they know that you're dangerous."

"Your kidnapping wasn't random, Alanna," he continued, using her name in a hushed voice. "They had prepared that attack carefully, even taking Faithful into account. They wanted you. The only thing you could have done to stop it was to hide away in your tent or to have stopped being so gods-damned good at being my squire. They wanted you because of who you are to me."

He sat down on his cot and watched her intently as she sat down on hers opposite him. "So in some respects, I should be apologizing to you for making you such a target. But I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to continue to ask you to serve me in such a way that our enemies want nothing more than to be rid of you. Will you do that?"

Alanna smiled gratefully at him. "Yes, Jonathan, I am your committed servant until death."

"Not good enough," Jonathan responded matter-of-factly.

"What?" Alanna asked, incredulous.

"If you were only faithful to me until death, you would have fulfilled that vow to me when you were only eleven, and I had the sweating sickness," Jonathan explained. "Granted, we didn't stick around in death long, but I think that still counts."

"Fine," Alanna replied. "Then I pledge myself to you until death _and after_. Happy now, your highness?"

"Yes," he said with a satisfied smile. He reached out gripped her shoulder, saying sincerely "And I make the same pledge to you, Alanna: until death and beyond it."

He met her gaze and continued to grip her shoulder until she nodded once and smiled, sealing the moment between them.

Jonathan let go and extinguished the small flame of his gift they had been using to see by. "Good. Now go to sleep. And I'll expect a thorough recounting of the insults you used to so enrage Duke Hilam in the morning."

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Lioness Rampant, Chapter 6, when Jonathan and Alanna see each other for the first time after their angry parting in the desert:
> 
> Deeply moved, she knelt and bowed her head. "My liege, I am yours to command."
> 
> He put his hands on her hair. "You're sure, Alanna?"
> 
> She met his eyes. "Until death and after, Jonathan."
> 
> "I accept your fealty, Sir Alanna. I accept, and I vow to return fealty with fealty, honor with honor, until death and beyond it."


End file.
